Week 1

Week 1 wasn't a total disaster as far as I can tell up to this point in the day. I'm on my lunch break and still have one period of 10th grade geometry...they certainly do hold the power to ruin an entire week in just 90 minutes.....so we'll see. I wrote up 2 kids from that class wednesday and if they're back in class from suspension it could be a hellish sort of end of the week. I'm hoping they aren't there. My 7th graders were MUCH better over the last 2 days, there have been no more calling parents during classtime as of yet, although i did have to call an 8th grade parent, unfortunately she didnt pick up her phone. better luck next time.
Yesterday sucked, I worked until about 1 and since i didnt have anything else to do i decided i was going to call out of a class i'm taking on thursday night becasue i felt horrible (i actually did) and go pick up the baby and actually hang out with him.......yeah, so i was told i wouldnt get credit for the entire class if i didnt show up (from 5pm-8) unlsess there was a funeral or i was in the hospital....so i couldnt go get the baby :( and now i was stuck with the dilemma of what to do for the next 4 hours until my class starts. i decided on going home to take a nap...i got 2 good hours and felt like i was in a good position to make it through class without falling asleep or bursting out in tears. i succeeded at both :)

People keep saying that being away from the baby will get easier with time. BS. the first 3 days i was ok, it sucked but i dealt. these last 2 days have been the longest days ever and i hate being away from him. i hate the fact someone else is raising him and spending all that time with him and i cant. i hate that by the time i can get to pick him up he's miserable becasue he's cranky and tired and he's that way until he goes to bed. I get no good time with him where he's smiling and giggling and happy. all i get is a tired cranky baby and my MIL gets to hang out with him when he's alert, awake, and in a good mood. and what bothers me the most is that I feel super guilty about being jealous about the fact she gets to see all his "firsts" now and i dont. i hate it i hate it, i hate it. i hate that we cant afford for me to stay home. and the fact that work sucks doesnt make it any easier.

somehow i dont htink its going to get any easier. lets just hope i can keep myself together long enough to make it through the day :)